Tuesday, November 15, 2011
neck needs healed
I finally got into a specialist for my neck..... last Thursday, he was awesome, and kind, and knew what he was talking about it and really listened to me and seemed to genuinely care.... it has been years and I would like relief on this left neck shoulder area, it is very difficult and keeps me from way too much!!!! anyway, my doctor said for me to stay off the computer more cuz of the way you have to turn, keep you head, and how it pulls on my neck..... I am focusing on doing my exercises daily, keeping well, and getting better..... but it also means less computer and facebook and.... thank goodness for good old fashioned books, lol! Will be on when I tho and will continue to post, just might not be daily..... Til next time!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
suffering
Been reading a book called, "How to be sick" and it has been really good so far.... I have just started it and it talks about suffering.... and I love words and meanings and this really resonated and stuck out to me and I wanted to share it......
"There are two kinds of suffering, One is when we feel we're being pressed down; as though suffering is coming at us from without, as though we're receiving something that's making us suffer. The other kind of suffering is being under, just bearing it, JUST BEING IT." ~Joko Beck
Fibromyalgia is the latter form of suffering, one that becomes a part of us, we are it... and it sucks sometimes more than others. Support is huge and I am thankful for the one that I have and all the wonderful people God has brought in my life....
"There are two kinds of suffering, One is when we feel we're being pressed down; as though suffering is coming at us from without, as though we're receiving something that's making us suffer. The other kind of suffering is being under, just bearing it, JUST BEING IT." ~Joko Beck
Fibromyalgia is the latter form of suffering, one that becomes a part of us, we are it... and it sucks sometimes more than others. Support is huge and I am thankful for the one that I have and all the wonderful people God has brought in my life....
Sunday, November 6, 2011
past present future and somewhere inbetween
I have often wondered if there was a link between childhood abuse and fibromyalgia or other type chronic pain conditions.... I don't think we'll ever fully know if there is a link, but the one thing I do know is that by having a childhood filled with abuse and dysfunction, it is harder and harder when dealing with life as an adult.
I have hit the "wonderful" age of 35 and hitting on 36 soon.... heading straight to 40, noooo!!!!!! And as I get older and my kids get older, by brain can go... and my heart, as a mom, and a person, feels so much! I love being a mom and love having children.... But along with having the good and wonderful and even awe-inspiring at times, it can be so hard with my past and at times it rears it's ugly head...... Having chronic pain doesn't help, it's another weight that can weigh me down, heavy and suffocating and leaving me feeling alone...
Another of the many other thoughts that bounce through my head, it is their age, that I was their age when I endured the worst of my mother's rage and wrath? I spent the first half going through abuse and the second half burying my past, locking it up and throwing away the key, and THEN doing it ALL different!! And that is A choice... I love my kids and I CHOOSE to do different by them! Never in a million years could I do to them what was done to me! NEVER!!! (And this has taken therapy, I truly believe that to overcome such violent and traumatic pasts that it does take help and trained professionals are so helpful!! )
So I will continue to persevere, go forward, and get the help I need to be able to have a peace with the past.... maybe I will write a book, my daughters tell me I should, but they also say it would make them cry. I try not too make others cry from my memories, I try not to cry with them.... Life today is hard enough with just being a single mom.... and having fibro, now I get to deal with the past, woot-woot!! But it will be ok, the present is, the past is gone and the future, God holds it. I may not know or see what is in store for me and my life.... I see the gray and blahs and other times the brightness that comes from my kids and my family and friends... those that I really love and those that love me... I am so thankful for the family I have today and know that not only have I made their lives different by being such an integral part of it, but they have change mine forever as well!!! Thank You Lord for all You have blessed me with, everyday, even when I have a hard time seeing it.....
I have hit the "wonderful" age of 35 and hitting on 36 soon.... heading straight to 40, noooo!!!!!! And as I get older and my kids get older, by brain can go... and my heart, as a mom, and a person, feels so much! I love being a mom and love having children.... But along with having the good and wonderful and even awe-inspiring at times, it can be so hard with my past and at times it rears it's ugly head...... Having chronic pain doesn't help, it's another weight that can weigh me down, heavy and suffocating and leaving me feeling alone...
Another of the many other thoughts that bounce through my head, it is their age, that I was their age when I endured the worst of my mother's rage and wrath? I spent the first half going through abuse and the second half burying my past, locking it up and throwing away the key, and THEN doing it ALL different!! And that is A choice... I love my kids and I CHOOSE to do different by them! Never in a million years could I do to them what was done to me! NEVER!!! (And this has taken therapy, I truly believe that to overcome such violent and traumatic pasts that it does take help and trained professionals are so helpful!! )
So I will continue to persevere, go forward, and get the help I need to be able to have a peace with the past.... maybe I will write a book, my daughters tell me I should, but they also say it would make them cry. I try not too make others cry from my memories, I try not to cry with them.... Life today is hard enough with just being a single mom.... and having fibro, now I get to deal with the past, woot-woot!! But it will be ok, the present is, the past is gone and the future, God holds it. I may not know or see what is in store for me and my life.... I see the gray and blahs and other times the brightness that comes from my kids and my family and friends... those that I really love and those that love me... I am so thankful for the family I have today and know that not only have I made their lives different by being such an integral part of it, but they have change mine forever as well!!! Thank You Lord for all You have blessed me with, everyday, even when I have a hard time seeing it.....
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